03.24.26

Hello party people! I was supposed to go on a long trip this week, but life has made other plans. That is okay. We adapt and overcome and show up for the people that need us while we have them here. Grief is a strange thing.

Maybe its the spring time talking, but life feels new and good again. I have always been a self proclaimed winter person through and through; I was born in the middle of a huge snowstorm and nobody could come see me at the hospital! I think loving winter is woven into who I am. Growing up, I hated summer time. I mean truly hated it. Now that I am older, I have found that I can appreciate each season for what it brings me. I am still partial toward the slowness of winter time, when I feel everybody else finally slows down a bit and meets me at my pace of living, but I have found I really enjoy the spring time thaw that I used to dread so much. I feel like I can finally keep up, or maybe I just don't feel so anxious over not keeping up. I am more secure with the way I live and love and so the world isn't so scary anymore.

I deleted a long paragraph I wrote about being comfortable in my skin because I realized I was trying to write about something else instead. All I have ever wanted was to be surrounded by people who love me and accept me, who I don't feel so scared being myself around. I think I am getting there :)

I cannot stop listening to this performance of "Losing My Mind"

03.12.26

I had so many plans for this blog post specifically but I realized that is not really what I wanna do... so this will continue to be a jumble of thoughts + musings until something else strikes me. Sitting on the floor of my living room, listening to Alanis Moriseetee's Jagged Little Pill. Ain't I a lucky duck?

I went grocery shopping yesterday which ROCKED! Sometimes I am afraid I will die because I hate to do this, accidentally wither away, but I am getting better. I have found that I am really capable of doing things for other people, but not so much for myself. When I feel unable to do something, I pretend that I am my grandma taking care of me instead of myself. This is a helpful trick!

I have a really busy next couple of weeks planned which is a bit stressful, but honestly not as much as it has been in the past. I guess I am growing and changing everyday or something like that :p I am excited for the future! I have never been one to plan ahead or dream big or anything like that, but I am stretching this muscle (is that the saying? flexing this muscle? I dont know...). Finding some happy mediums that keep me feeling safe but also excited >:)

Maybe another day I will make this blog have more structure, with specific topic posts and whatnot. But I really didn't feel called to do that this time... we will see what the future holds

03.02.26

Had a good week/weekend seeing lots of friends and family which I am forever grateful for. I am feeling like a part of my community and city which is so insanely awesome; I know these things take time but that time it takes is so agonizing sometimes. It is so easy to feel lost and lonely, but I must remember that I have so many beautiful connections in my life... I am so lucky.

Mitski album came out and I got my CD! Listened to it and danced around the apartment this morning, which confused Ernie a bit and he hid under the couch. I think Mitski is trying to kill me... I think she is the best in the world, truly. I consistently love everything she puts out. I also splurged when I preorderd the CD and got a deck of cards, a poster to a concert I never went to, and her fanzine. All are very cool. 10/10 experience.

I am taking streaming out of my life forever at the moment, and so my rule for music is I am allowed to buy one (1) full priced CD per month. January I bought Mitski's Nothing is About to Happen to Me and February I ordered Dazey and the Scouts Maggot. I think this is a fun practice! I like to plan out the music I get to buy and support and it keeps me looking forward to things. How do you guys interact with buying music and supporting artists? Tell me everything...

02.17.26

I am sitting in a coffee shop by my apt right now and I am feeling good. Again, not sure what to blog about quite yet but all I know is that I wanted to say something about this exact moment in time...I feel very capable today, which I am grateful for. This is the second day in a row that I have left my house and yesterday I walked for so long that today my body hurts! I haven't moved in years, it feels like. Do you feel it too? I am usually so afraid of the spring thaw, but the last couple days I have felt able to face it. Strange... I am changing I suppose!

"February has ripened into love, and I have become whole and complete." -Miklos Radnoti

02.16.26

I am not sure what to share here quite yet, but I wanted to upload my first blog post. I had a tough weekend attending my grandmothers funeral with my family... I don't know how to grieve and so I just feel really really bad... HOWEVER! I intend to have a great week working at my job and working on my website and seeing my friends and planning my future... I have such good intentions I hope it all works out and i don't go crazy at all. I promise to take my meds every morning :)

I got some epic books last week that i can't wait to look at... one of them is a beautiful photography book about detroit, another is the screenplay for "Much Ado About Nothing" which i find to be a ridiculous movie but also one of my favorites. I also have a lot of new poetry books I am excited to look at. How do you guys read poetry? Just a couple a day or do you read the whole book in one sitting or some other way entirely? Do you read until someone speaks to you and just roll with it? I am still learning.

I think this might be it for now. my next goal is to determine what makes a blog post and what makes a journal entry... how personal do I want to get hehe... we shall see... until next time